My ex-husband and I were young when we married and even younger when we had our three
children. We were high school sweethearts that grew up together and from the outside looking in; we had the classic teenage love story.
But things are not always what they seem, and behind that love story, there was a relationship
filled with pain and riddled with abuse and infidelities. However, I was committed to "fixing" our relationship mainly because I was convinced that raising my children in a two-parent household was best for them.
So, we spent years in and out of marriage counseling and had even weathered a separation.
During which my ex-husband completed a batterers intervention program, and we attended
family counseling. And there were times when I thought that the worst was behind us and that my ex-husband had genuinely changed.
But the same issues continued to resurface and became extremely loud during the pandemic.
I finally realized that having a two-parent household isn't enough. I wanted my children to have a
physically and emotionally safe home and see parents who are happy and healthy modeling
I knew the only way to do this was to file for a divorce. Now here I am, seven months later, divorced and raising my children alone. If you had told me that my children would go seven months without seeing their Dad and that I would be parenting 100 percent of the time alone, I wouldn't believe you, but this is my reality.
The first few months were a mess, and when my kids were sleeping, I cried, I screamed, I
yelled, I worried, and I prayed. I worried about how I would provide for my children, and I worried how the divorce would affect them. I worried if my sons would miss out on moments with their Dad that would help mold them into the men they are designed to be. And if my daughter would choose a partner that modeled similar bad behavior to her Dad.
More than anything, I worried if I was enough to sustain my children physically, emotionally,
financially, and spiritually. Then one night, during one of my meltdowns, I heard clearly from God that I didn't need to worry and that everything was already working out for our good.
That night I had my first good night's sleep in months. Over the next few months, I realized that my life was not destroyed, it was just disrupted, and God uses our disruptions as a catalyst to change our situations and restore us. The transition into single motherhood has been tough for sure, but there has also been peace and joy during the storm.
I have seen God show up for my kids and me in big ways. And Slowly but surely, we are working towards healing and restoration. In my most challenging moments, I remember that I am not walking alone and that there are so many more beautiful days ahead.